Thursday, June 30, 2011

How to break the fear of being direct without going in circles...

A colleague provided me with some constructive criticism yesterday. He said I need to be more direct and to the point. Speak in short sentences…Period.

His feedback came as no surprise, since I am meeting myself more honestly lately, especially those scary parts which lay hidden from my conscious acceptance.

During my writing session this morning, I decided to explore the issue of direct, honest communication. I’d ask an open question to my higher self, listen for the answer and write it down.

Direct honest communication is a basic element to being assertive…

Yet avalanches of butterflies flutter their wings in my stomach. I had no idea that being direct could bring up such stage fright…What is so scary about being direct? As one of my clients put it…

“Being whipped…being burned on the cross for speaking my truth when the consensus insisted upon the “truth” of the opposite direction. If they cannot see my truth, they will laugh at me. They’ll say I am lying. I’ll be humiliated in public.”

How can you assert your truth when you can’t see it? Or prove it physically? Can you relate? Here I am writing about the subject and feel like I’m running in circles. I can certainly relate. What’s going on?

Fear of receiving.

It’s scary to stop and do nothing. Especially if like me, you’re addicted to “doing”.

What’s so scary about receiving?

Maybe nothing will happen. I’ll be exposed and vulnerable to attack. Not knowing can be really scary. My thoughts scare me the most. Don’t want to really meet them.

What are the scariest ones?

The critical voices hurt the most: “You are stupid. Who do you think you are to own who you are. I am lord over you.” It reminds me of a stern father figure, forcing me to obey.

It’s also scary to meet anger. It feels like there is no place to safely express it. If I express it to that father figure, I will just get knocked down. Of course, I don’t want to knock myself down.

It’s easier to just keep power to myself. This way I can preserve my power. On the other hand, it doesn’t go anywhere. This is a sure ticket to depression. It feels greedy. There must be another way. What is that way?

Be willing to be different. Do it differently.

When we are focused upon the result we have no enjoyment of the process. The process is where all the fun lies. When you are so focused upon the results, it can also feel really lonely. That’s no fun. So how can we break the debilitating reactions to our fear?

1) Accept that it is there. Owning it seems to minimize its power.

2) Take responsibility.
While it can feel embarrassing to own responsibility for creating your reality, is also empowering. You can then choose differently or change your mind.

3) Don’t say or do anything. You might wonder, “Isn’t that just the opposite of what you were writing about? I mean, I thought you said that you need to be direct?” What I mean is that if something is not clear… sometimes it’s better not to do anything. Something deeper may be lurking underneath the surface. If you give this time and space, it can come to the surface to provide you with more wisdom.

4) Meet the fear of death.
For example, if you hold off doing something and it brings up fear, allow yourself to meet it.

The Hebrew word for fear is: PACHAD.

If you turn around the Hebrew root of the word fear, you get: DACHAF


This is the root for the word propeller or push, as in signifying the movement forward of something. When we can meet our fear with compassion, it can melt.

Be willing to die to the fear, and there you will find your eternal peace, which lies just beyond the fear of death.

Direct, and to the point.

Easy to write about, but the proof is in the pudding. Don’t believe what I write. It’s not worth anything. Try it for yourself and see what happens.

What is the scariest thing for you to be direct and to the point?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I stumbled across your blog using a google search regarding a personal issue of being direct. Thank you for this post as it was very helpful.