This week, I was delighted to receive an invitation from the founder of Israel's marine archaeology to provide my ancient healing and transformational music for the 25 year anniversary of the Ancient Galilee boat discovery at the shores of Galilee. But the museum has no budget. So I said no. It's painful. I was so happy that the archaeologist "got" the connection between the music and the percussion instruments found along with the boat.
This music would provide a sublimely powerful experience for that event. So convinced, I requested funding from the tourist board yesterday. It's too short notice. They said no. And honestly, harmony requires a two way flow.
It would be self destructive to putting my own needs in secondary place to the "larger good" of bringing back this ancient healing music form. Been there. Done that.
What is so scary about being bold, saying yes to ourselves, especially when it requires us saying no to the things we love?
Well, for one, we don't know what the outcome will be. It brings up self doubt. Maybe we made mistake? It's uncomfortable and can feel lonely living in that "not knowing" space.
Last night, I watched the film Agora. A friend lent it to me several months ago. Set in ancient Egypt under Roman rule, the brilliant and beautiful astronomer Hypatia leads a group of disciples fighting to save the wisdom of the Ancient World, as violent religious upheaval spills into the streets of Alexandria. I resisted watching it, knowing that there would be difficult scenes to observe. Last night, I felt compelled to watch, sensing that the film would support me.
Hypatia courageously stands for her freedom, walking the walk, even in the face of extreme challenge. In the end she gets stoned to death. Nothing and no one can stop it.
The film stirred up a visceral yet ancient terror of being ostracized and burnt on the cross for daring to live my deep inner truth in public, even if it is not understood by others and not following popular culture and consensus.
As disturbing as it ended, it helped to watch the film - to identify the root of inner fear and doubts which have created what seems like lifetimes of self recrimination. In the face of this scary place, I am shaking the bell on my wrist bracelet. This helps me to shift my consciousness by providing a nurturing response to scary inner voices by remembering that harmony is created through friction.
Can you relate? If so, how?