Thursday, July 15, 2010

Self Compassion Softens Jagged Edges

Are you interested in changing some of the things that you find yourself saying to yourself over and over again that don't exactly serve your highest good?

Perhaps you've already made a commitment to make peace with yourself by choosing to change one of those self defeating phrases that keeps you a silent prisoner of your inner war. When it is most important for you to express what is in your heart you need to come forth as a knight in shining armor for yourself.

So you write out what you plan to say. You call a friend to discuss your fears so they won't get in the way when you need to speak what is in your heart in real time. You practice your speech in front of the mirror to experience the level of confidence you need to shine in the moment when it counts most to you.

In the moment of truth, all hell breaks loose

The moment arrives. You're ready. It feels so good to have prepared beforehand. Yet when you open your mouth, instead of expressing what is in your heart, you find yourself saying other things you never meant to say.

The listener had this funny look on their face. "What will they think of me?", you wonder to yourself. They seem stressed and uptight. You didn't want to stir them up anymore than they already are so you speak about what you think will please them instead of what you had originally planned.

You can speak your heart another time, anyway. You're a kind person and care. Hmm… Really?

How kind towards yourself? Afterwards your inner voice silently criticizes you, "Why didn't you speak from your heart? Why can't you follow through like (whoever you compare yourself to most), "You'd have done better if only..., Now it's a fact, you are not as good as (whoever you compare yourself to most), It's too late, you failed again." Not the most harmonious tune.

As Wayne Dyer writes in his book, Real Magic, our personality is made up of the hundreds of habitual ways that we conduct the daily physical affairs of our life.

Your habits reveal you.

Your habits say something about how you have chosen to live your life and to how you use your powerful mind. They pattern the way you speak to yourself and how you behave.

The problem is that even when you make a decision to change a habit, you may find that your inner warriors come to do battle with your intentions to make positive change within yourself.

How can you stay focused when your resistance sends arrows to your gut instead of lovingly defending your heart's desire?

Deconstruct to Reconstruct

When the foundation upon which you built your way of expressing yourself no longer works, it many times means that it's time for a renovation.

Renovation requires deconstruction. Deconstruction is dirty work. It's not comfortable and it can bring up a lot of stress.

One of my clients, a singer with several years of classic vocal training behind her came to me longing to release and express her natural voice. She only felt safe singing and speaking formally, in the way she had been trained.

When she dared speak or sing her heart, she would tear herself apart afterwards with harsh inner criticism that it wasn't pretty or good enough. "I will fail. I will fall. I will embarrass myself, or worse, I will embarrass others, and this will embarrass me even more. Better to just hold back."

Though others thought of her as extremely talented, her negative self talk was eating her alive. Through the gentle process of questioning the daggers of her inner criticism, she began to challenge even the stickiest thorns of her life. Through employing the healing music element of silence and focus, instead of reacting to the attacks, she found renewed energy by simply listening to them, and gently chose to respond to herself with loving kindness and acceptance.

With self compassion, you can truly perform magic in your life.

2 comments:

Diary of a Social ART-tivist Mommy said...

beautiful helpful post......making a list of what I would say......

Γ.Ι.Δ.Α said...

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