Thursday, November 18, 2010

Two Hidden Keys to Care for Yourself in Conflict

Conflict is painful… In a fight for example, our natural tendency is to want to control the situation or person with whom we are fighting. The truth is, what really makes conflict so painful is that you're at war with reality. You want "them" to stop yelling, to behave differently, to acknowledge you, or maybe not even to agree with you, but just hear you.

But try as you might - it's out of your control.

It seems like you're caring of yourself because you're doing your best to get your needs met, but many times your way ends up frustrating you, depleting your energy and emotional well-being, wondering why it feels easier speaking to the wall.
The great news - it's never too late to make peace in your relationship with yourself.

It's about reconnecting to the source of your very own calm. Right now, in this present moment, you have 100% ability to arrive at that still, quiet place that patiently awaits you on the gentle shores beyond the stormy seas of your inner conflict. The first key to caring for yourself during conflict is this simple but forgotten truth:

We are the instruments of peace.

To live our lives in true harmony requires resolving our dissonant inner wars inside.
I had an incredible opportunity to resolve mine. It came in 2006 while bombs dropped on my quiet northern Galilee village. I learned amazing lessons as I stayed in the face of fire, even as war broke out.

It prompted me to write and record a book Quiet in the Eye of the Storm which helped me to connect in a much deeper way with people. It also taught me that no matter what is happening around us, we can find inner peace. The key to doing this is founded in the second forgotten truth:

Be Honest with Yourself

Many people deny to themselves how ill at ease they really feel when they meet with their inner conflict and vulnerability. It's almost like they're going against themselves, "It's not really so bad, They don't really mean it, I can handle it meditating and releasing."

Now while it may be true that it could be worse, take a moment to be honest with yourself here...

• How many eruptions have you had within the last month - where you were so set on being right that no resolution came from whatever the situation at hand was?
• How many times in the last week have you started out a conversation or correspondence with the best intentions and then watched it blow up as either you or the other person got defensive, hurt, or angry from a misunderstanding?
• How many people have you been meaning to connect with , but because you've feel frightened by your vulnerability and how that might affect they way they see or think about you, you're avoiding them altogether.
• How many people are you holding grudges against leaving you feeling hurt or angry?

It might seem like going in a negative direction to take a closer look at those things that are in conflict in your life, yet that's also the first part of rebalancing yourself and to living your life with more peace.

Now that you know where your vulnerable conflicts are, you can bring some awareness to those particular areas and watch your experiences transform from there.

1 comment:

tal said...

dear eliana
נגעת בליבי
זה מרגש
באהבה
טל פלדמן