I see it's been almost a week since I posted.
Yes, I have been busy - and lots has been going on. Most importantly, I have been connecting with lost parts of my soul, those jagged, rough and unseemly sides to myself, that at other times, I'd prefer to ignore and pretend they're not there.
Honestly, the reason for my delay in writing is connected to this.
In defering my posts, I could sit with myself more. Only, sitting with myself in this case, is a dose of isolation in order to "get it right with myself", before connecting with the outside world.
It's a case of being too concerned with myself, and not seeing others. Being too concerned with myself comes from fear of not being good enough. Deep inside, there is a dread that I am unworthy and "bad". I have been dancing with this side of myself, consciously inviting us to tango. My intent is to honesly accept all sides of me, expecting that by doing so, there will be less to hide from. It will enable me to meet others in the open.
One thing I noticed this morning is how easy it is for me to isolate, just as I am getting ready to succeed... waiting for others to agree to a collaboration, following through on a request from a client that would provide me with more income and enjoyable projects, calling a friend to ask "how are you?" to keep the connection alive... I notice that as I come close to merging with the "one", which in the above description, are expressed through different facets, I hedge, I haw, like a repelling magnet, I run in the other direction.
It's not pretty for me to admit this, let alone expose it to the world for all to read... yet it's my way of coming out of isolation.
It's my way of taking responsibility for my experience of life - to love and accept myself unconditionally. It provides me with an opening to learn something new and to receive the good that I and all of us so deserve.