What is the cost of true independence?

What is independence and what is it's cost?


Today is Independence Day in Israel. Last night, folks, young and old, joined in circles and danced in the streets.  I've been contemplating the meaning of independence.   A quick search in the dictionary brought up: "Freedom from the control, influence, support, aid, or the like, of others".

If this is true, does this mean that it's opposite is dependency? Is  there a difference between dependence and dependency?

Lester Levensen, a truly wise and free being, one of the huge gifts of my life, had this to say:

"A dependency relationship does not allow you to think for yourself, admits you are dependent on another human being, and prevents you from seeing your infinity. Conformity is dependency, is having to do what others do, wanting their approval. And independent person is always an oddball, not understood by society".

His continual prodding would stir me up, My own experience has found this to be true. Societies are set up for the individuals within them, to get along. Conformity is a necessary. You can express yourself as long as you don't stir the waters too much.

When your own truth differs from the consensus, it stirs up contention. The system is not set up to support the freedom of authentic independent voice of each individual.

When you are truly dedicated to your independence you risk being ousted from the group. I believe that this is the reason why, the biggest fear we humans possess, after the fear of death, is the fear of public speaking.

I also believe that this is the root cause of our Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde existence... yearning to express the voice of our hearts... then in the actual moment, speaking what seems to be the most politically or socially correct thing to "get along" and keep us safe.

Yet is it really safe when the cost of this "safety" is the price of your own inner truth.
Are truly independent people doomed to be always be the oddball, not understood by society?

What do you think?

Does your identity help or hinder you?

I've just returned from an inspiring weekend with my community of friends who practice The Work of Byron Katie. We meet once a month for focused self inquiry and enjoying the company of one another.

What is your "Identity"?

What do you identify yourself with? How do you describe yourself? Does this create a sense of stress or joy in your life?

We explored the various ways in which the roles, feelings and thoughts we identify with may be causing us undo stress. Funny how the most basic of identities e.g. "I am a woman", when consciously questioned, can bring up a mixed bag of feelings. Questioning thoughts, also allows for questioning feelings.

Are you really who you think you are?

Who is it who decides what you think? Parents? Society? Schools? Friends? Media? There are so many influences within which we are raised. We are influenced by those around us. Yet it is we who decide how we think.

Let's look at two children in the same household, who experience similar experiences. Each will interpret it differently. For example, my parents limited the amount of time that my brother and I could watch television. They gave us each one hour a week to choose the program we each wanted to watch. I was more of a book worm... one program a week was plenty for me. I never developed a heavy television habit. I actually threw my television out in the late 1980's preferring to live directly in life's drama.

My brother, on the other hand, went to the opposite direction. He wanted more television. In fact, he ended up going into television production on a professional basis.

Same household, same parents, same situation... two totally different outcomes.

Is your identity helping or hindering your progress?

As we inquired more deeply into these basic assumptions e.g. I am a woman, I am my parents daughter, my brother's sister etc... I unearthed a long held belief that "If I speak and live my truth, I will be nailed on the cross". I asked someone to ask me the four basic questions which helped me to take an objective look at a basic belief that has been running inside of me for what seems like a million lifetimes.

This deeply rooted fear has kept me from fully giving the gifts I have to give and hindered me from fully enjoying the fruits of my labor. When I turned the sentence around to look at it from a different perspective, I was astounded to see that: When I speak and live my truth, I will be safe and supported.

So, I am hereby publicly claim my intent to speak and live my truth. Writing this post is one example of that. Committing to make more music is another. It's time that I come out more fully. Expect to be hearing more from me in the near future. I have alot to share.

What about you? How does your identity help or hinder you? Leave a comment below...

It has nothing to do with you

Tony Parsons - well, if you call that one by a name - really will blow your mind...